It’s been a while. I haven’t felt like anything I have to say has crystallized and I’ve been so busy in the “growing” phase of life that I felt like I couldn’t speak to it yet. Everything was moving so fast that at many times this fall, I was simply doing my best to hold on.
Me, overcommit myself as a kneejerk reaction to my anxiety? Never. 😉
Much of my (small) collection of creative work during this time reflect those anxieties and times when there was nothing left in my creative tank. I was on autopilot mode for the last few months as I checked things off of an endless to-do list, making my emotional side particularly difficult to reach. It felt like I was complaining about being anxious and overwhelmed at a time when there were so many “wins” coming my way.
In the last six months, I’ve traveled to Europe. Moved apartments. Transitioned into a full-time job I care deeply about. And, I brought a cute guy I met this summer home to my family on Christmas. Things shift so quickly in your twenties. It is both thrilling and terrifying.
In this season of transition, I have felt equally drained and invigorated at once. It has been an exercise in creating when I feel I’ve got nothing left to say. I am still figuring out the balance between a career path (read: stability) and creative passions that aren’t guaranteed to provide financially. Essentially, this post is a long-winded way of saying that this has been a challenging semester for me academically, personally, and professionally. There have been many a day where my victory is simply that I am sitting in the classroom. But, I’m finally ready to resurface!
As someone who works in digital content, I get used to the idea that anything I write needs to be ideated, edited by a team, approved, and polished before it hits the internet. And that isn’t (and never has been) the style of my personal pieces. Probably because they’re…personal. Vulnerable in ways that are much scarier when coming directly from me, and not for a client or under the mask of a brand’s Instagram profile.
What I’ve realized is that while I haven’t put anything on my website, I’ve actually done more writing than ever in the last few months. Over the next few weeks, I’ll be sharing things I’ve created, whether they be poems from class, legal pad scribbles, or an entire newspaper. I finally have enough headspace to dive deeper, reflect, and actually focus on being creative. For that alone, I am grateful. Cheers to another year filled with big changes and finding our way.